Why.. again!

I recently went through a little emotional bump, that brought back some of the hurt related to my parents. I'm now very aware that I need to mentally prepare myself for future drama, and not let anything add stress or bring a dark cloud on my wedding. The main point of the discussion is the inability for my parents to understand Why. Why the Philippines. If we want to get away, why not Jamaica/Dominican/or somewhere else? Why not just go to City Hall? So I wrote this up, originally for our wedding website because I am sure those invited are probably thinking the same thing. But in the end, if people really loved and cared about us, wouldn't they want us to be incredibly happy at one of the most important events of our life? Wouldn't they just support us and be there for us, in the end? In the end, this will make us better parents. Because I would never want my daughter to ever doubt that I loved and cared for her, and would want, above all, for her to be happy.

Why a Wedding? Why The Philippines

Here are two questions people have asked us, or I know, people are thinking.

Why a Wedding? We have been living together for over three years, and have a beautiful, happy, energetic, two year old. We both have full time jobs and focus all our free time to our family life. No one quite gets how happy we are. Technically, we're already common-law partners so what would a piece of paper really mean? Nowadays its perfectly normal to be living together as common-law partners, and in Quebec it's completely out of fashion get married (according to a very knowledgeable Montrealer). We are both incredibly committed to each other and our family, and we do want to make vows to each other. Before Isabela was born, we did not do it because we didn't feel as if we needed to be married and maybe we weren't as sure as we are now.

Why the Philippines? There are so many reasons but still, people have a hard time grappling why. So how about in point form?

1. If you know our background, we met and fell in love, when we were both doing community work in the Filipino community in Canada. Our interest in our Philippine heritage has been at the foundation of our relationship.

2. A big wedding in Toronto would not feel like us. If we had a wedding in Toronto, a lot of people would be invited and come. It just would not be intimate and private, which is what we have become as a couple and family. The last few weddings we attended, we didn't even get to see the couple.

3. Rodney was born in the Philippines and I was born here. Through community work, and even study at the University level, it's clear there is a generational impact on an immigrant's cultural identity. As a second-generation, my whole life, Camille thought about what it meant to be Filipino, with her real connection being that her parents were born in the Philippines. With such a young community, with a dynamic of integration very different from other immigrant community, it is hard to predict what the third-generation will be like. We want out daughter to have a connection to the Philippines, and maybe it will be because her parents were married there.

4. It is very expensive to have a wedding in Toronto. We are able to afford a wedding on our own, that is beautiful and reflects us, because it is in the Philippines.

5. In the end, at the very core of it, we want our wedding to be something very deeply meaningful to us. A wedding like this, is different, and a first for our extended families. But we don't want to look back and wish we had done something or regretted something as meaningful as our wedding. It's not just a big party to us, it's our real commitment to each other. And this is what we want.