In honour of...

 Part of the reason I've been so swamped and unable to really focus on the wedding is because my grandmother is very sick. In fact, since 2008, both of my grandmothers have suffered from strokes. My grandmother on my mother's side suffered a stroke in 2008. It was days before anyone realized it was something serious and took her to the hospital. At the time, she had lost some of her language ability (especially with her 3rd language, English, and includes reading) and she didn't recognize family members. Her physical ability was not that bad - she could still walk with assistance. Luckily, she spent a month in the rehabilitation hospital, recovered and returned home. She is very active, and all her regular functions have returned. She is 86 years old, but you would think she is only in her early 70s.

My other grandmother however, suffered her first stroke in the Philippines in January 2010. She immediately returned home to receive care. Since then, she has had 3 other strokes. This past April, she suffered a more massive stroke that left her completely paralyzed on her right side, and unable to speak and swallow. After months in the hospital, she did not improve and was returned home. It was crazy because she was paralyzed, it meant she needed assistance in everything : from changing her diapers, to administering medication, feeding through a tube in her stomach, and even changing positions. My grandfather, 84, was the primary caregiver, and after he collapsed with the sheer volume of responsibility, my grandmother was moved to a nursing home by the province. Here, she is rapidly deteriorating, and suffering from dementia.

It has been difficult to watch, and all of the family is constantly thinking about her. However, because of this, our family is closer. My dad side has always been close, and have all helped each other in any way they could. But our ability to communicate with each other has increased, and I was able to connect with my cousins in the Philippines for the first time. My eldest cousin especially, I haven't seen since I was 10 and at her mother's funeral, is so excited about coming to the wedding to be with family. It's a wonderful thing actually.

Anyways, I always knew my grandma would not be able to come to the wedding. Even when she first got sick, and my cousins would say to her, "grandma, get better, so we can all be back in the Philippines for Camille's wedding", I knew she would want it so bad, but wouldn't be able to. Same with my other grandmother. I always knew they wouldn't be able to make it.

An aunt I haven't seen on my mother's side for months, I saw last weekend at a party, and she plopped back down beside me and said, "so you don't want anyone to come to the wedding". I guess referring to the fact it was in the Philippines, and obviously, people like grandma, couldn't go even if they wanted to. But, it's not that we didn't want them there, or didn't care if they weren't. At the time, I honestly thought Rodney and I would be bordering eloping and just going to the Philippines to do it alone. So the thought of the Philippines, and all the magic, seeped in, even as the reality kicked it that we would have guests.

Anyways, the point is, I want my grandmother's there. If not physically, but spiritually, and most importantly in my heart. In honour of my grandmothers and of our wedding, Rodney and I recently gave some money to the Heart and Stroke Foundation. In addition, on my bouquet I hope to be carrying a picture of each of my grandmother's in a locket. If I could find it, I want to find a picture in black and white when they are young, when things like strokes were so far away from their minds.

So I've narrowed down to these ones on Etsy:

 

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I'm so torn!!! These are all less than $25 a pop, and from the U.S., so I MAY even get two, one for each grandma, and then include an older and a more recent pic. Decisions, decisions!