A little bit of Bridal Crazy

More often than what maybe is healthy, I think about what I'd do if I won the lottery. Not big sometimes, like, if we won an extra $5,000 or $20,000 in the work pool, and today I thought about $100,000. I'd put half of it towards a downpayment on a house, and put 25k in savings, then add 25k to our wedding budget. With that extra 25k, I'd pay for everyones accommodation and some flights for some family and friends who can't make it because of that cost. I'd probably add a little extra to my dress. Then probably spend $5k on Rodney's family home, and another $5k supporting organizations in the Philippines. Maybe donating the full 5k to a hospital?

Should money occupy the thoughts of the bride, a mother, or any woman like this? I don't feel like its abonormal, but its something on my mind a lot lately. I guess because the wedding/trip budget has explanded a good $7,000? Maybe due to the realization that not my parents, nor his parents would contribute at all to the wedding, out of sheer not wanting to.

When my aunts were over from the U.S., we had this really fun night out at a Café, where we all got yummy desserts and drinks, and great conversation that you can only have with family, as you laugh about your own disfunctionalities. Anyways, I didn't realize the type of misconceptions my family has about me. (Actually, it hurts a little to think that my family might think of me a certain way) I guess because my parents appear to have money, and manage their money well, they assume my parents help us out with money. I clarified that, no they did not give us that Jeep, I paid money from my savings to buy it off them and only because I hated taking the bus with the baby with groceries. I clarified, that yes, I worked part-time throughout university, because I didn't have an allowance. And yes, I drained my savings to pay my mother rent during the first and second year. I guess, everyone had this illusion that I was some spoiled brat that was being kept a float by my parents. When it’s the complete opposite - I did it all by myself and really, I get no credit for doing things on my own.

Yes, we currently live in their property, but we still pay rent that covers all the expenses. So the only thing, is that they're not making any additional income, since the property is already paid for, and we're living in it. Maybe people think that our wedding in the Philippines is getting help from our parents, too. Doesn't the bridal family typically pay for at least a portion of the wedding? (As an aside, my parents did offer to give us only $10K IF we got married in Toronto only. I said no to the conditions, as well as the amount that wouldn't even scratch the surface of a wedding here. His parents offered us 100k PESOS, or about $2K. They have since changed their mind.. for no reason.)

Thinking back to this night with my aunts, one of them invited me to the U.S. for my younger cousins graduation party. We went on to talk about typical celebrations that are to occur - debut, graduation party, wedding. When I was 18, my parents didn't give me a debut because they said they would give me a car. I never got the car, but was allowed to live in the condo where we live now when I went to University, as a consolation. (But they would have to pay for my residence fee if I didn't live there, but that's just a side thought). They never celebrated my graduation from University and my honours degree from one of the best and most challenging school's in Canada. I don't remember getting a party for High School either because our graduation was in September, and awkward time of year, and my dad was away in Mexico. Despite coming out of highschool with awards and scholarships. And now the wedding. No celebrating that either from my parents.

The only way we can live our life and have the wedding we want, is to do it ourselves. I don't receive a monthly income, or even gifts from family to help us. We work hard, try to budget and manage our money, and work a lot of overtime to make this dream a reality for us. I wake up at 6:00am and wait in line at the library to get a free pass to the Zoo and other museums, so that we can save some money but still enrich our daughter's experiences. I guess its easy to blame your crazy on your parents, but really, isn't it the case with my money preoccupation? Or maybe they're just crazy, and they don't really want to celebrate their oldest and only daughter. Maybe that's not crazy then. Maybe that's just mean.